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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?